Chaper Ten

Chapter 10

This is Chapter Ten of my never ending short story "Index Out Front." To read previous chapters follow the links to the right. 


I love plays. After preparing a lecture series on playwriting I love them even more. They are different than other forms of writing and understanding these differences gives you more appreciation of the art. Of course the lecture series ends with asking the students to write their own play on any subject and in any style. Her's was hard to discern. Was it a satirical comedy or just dark humor? Maybe it is a tragedy or Theater of the Absurd. I will let you decide.


Cast of Characters


COWBOY, older man of few words.
SHEP, his dog.
ENVIRONMENTALIST, young, energetic, hippie-type.
POLITICIAN, handsome older man with expensive looking clothes.
RABBI, middle aged man.
PASTOR, middle aged man.


At RISE:         (An outdoor setting in a clearing with a fire ring with a single florescent bulb
                            at the center. Rocks and logs for seating. An exercise bike to one side with
                            ENVIRONMENTALIST pedaling. All other characters seated around the fire ring.
                            Dusk on a warm evening.)


      COWBOY
Why in the hell can't we have a real fire?


     ENVIRONMENTALIST
                                 (Slightly winded)
An open fire creates pollutants, we all know that. Particulate matter and such, not to mention CO2!


     POLITICIAN
Don't you listen to the news? Global warming is a real threat they say, and we must all make sacrifices. Just buckle-up and do your part cowboy. Why just last week the Senate committee (of which I'm proud to be the chairman) heard testimony from one of the leading scientists and he assured us that if we all don't change our ways the world would become uninhabitable in one or two decades.


     COWBOY
Was that the same scientist that told us thirty years ago that over-population would kill us all in 10 years?


     PASTOR
As a result of my sermon on being stewards of the land, in Gods name, my church has formed a committee looking into ways we can save energy at the church....things like turning down the heat in the winter and not using the air-conditioning at all in the summer.
                                            (chuckling)
Might keep people from falling asleep during the sermon too.


     RABBI
Oh, we've been doing that for centuries. You gentiles have gotten way to much into the electric organs, electric guitars, loudspeaker systems and all that. It's high time you got back to basics.


     ENVIRONMENTALIST
                                             (stops pedaling, the bulb dims)
Who's ready to take over running the generator?


     COWBOY
                                             (Under his breath)
Not me.


     POLITICIAN
I'm way to old for such a work-out. Might have a coronary on that thing. Rabbi, how about you?


     RABBI
I suppose it is my duty.
                                             (Gets up slowly and goes to the bike. ENVIRONMENTALIST sits down
                                                at the fire ring. As RABBI starts pedaling the bulb brightens.)


     PASTOR
What's for dinner?


     COWBOY
I'd go for a big steak, some eggs and a shot of whiskey.


     ENVIRONMENTALIST
That's just like you - go kill and innocent creature raised on crops forced to grow with fertilizer made from oil from some polluting well half way around the world.


     COWBOY
Them cows eat grass most of their lives - try and eat that for dinner. They are just machines which convert grass into food.


     POLITICIAN
Machines!? We have finally got good-minded Justices on the Supreme Court which understand that animals have rights too.


     COWBOY
You wouldn't worry about them having rights if you raised some and had 'em blow snot all over you while stepping on your toes.


     ENVIRONMENTALIST
Enough, enough! I brought dinner and it didn't require any carbon fuels to produce either. It is locally grown brown rice, planted and harvested by hand. Along with that are radishes grown by me using fertilizer produced from my composting toilet.


     COWBOY
Oh, nummy.


     PASTOR
How are we going to boil the rice?


     ENVIRONMENTALIST
To boil it we would have to have a fire and we can't pollute like that so I've soaked the rice for a few days and let it germinate. It's a little crunchy but it's a small sacrifice to save the planet.
                                                                 (Goes about prepping dinner)
                                                                  (PASTOR and RABBI switch places on the bike)
     COWBOY
I'll pass.


     RABBI
I'll pass too - I'm not sure it's Kosher.


     POLITICIAN
I should have brought some of the steaks from my freezer. One of my campaign contributors keeps it stocked for me. All that it cost me was a little legislation protecting the big feed lots from those redneck cheap little farmers.


     PASTOR
Don't you have to worry about all that campaign finance reform?


     POLITICIAN
Oh, hell no! That was all created to get votes anyway. We built in so many loopholes for us who are well-minded while keeping out the opinions of those opposing ignoramuses. 


     RABBI
I was sure glad to see you pass those laws reducing our carbon footprint while keeping in mind the plight  of the less developed countries. It's time we sacrificed for their benefit as well as protecting mother earth.


     COWBOY
                                                                      (Under his breath)
You all deserve a "footprint" right on your head.


     ENVIRONMENTALIST
I'm doing my part to reduce my carbon footprint and I think the trend is catching on. If we keep hitting the people with how important it is they will come around.


     PASTOR
My church has certainly come around. Our donations have nearly doubled since we started our "Save the Earth for God" campaign. We're even attracting media attention which has brought in more parishioners, some of whom are very conscious - wear hemp clothes and all. I do miss the Bake Sales though, since we decided it was an unnecessary use of fuel. Life requires sacrifice......


     POLITICIAN
If there is anything I can do let me know. Legislation is getting easier to pass these days after so many of the public are on the bandwagon. We're making the car companies build less polluting cars and cutting back on production.


     COWBOY
They're cutting back on production because nobody wants those damn tiny things.


     POLITICIAN
Well they're going through some tough times financially but we're helping them out by giving them some money to weather the down-turn.


     COWBOY
My money, you mean.


     POLITICIAN
No, no, it's Federal Reserve money. They just print some more when they run short.


     PASTOR
We all need to do with less.


     ENVIRONMENTALIST
I've never owned a car. I just use public transportation if I can't find someone to give me a ride.


     COWBOY
Freeloader.


     ENVIRONMENTALIST
You right-wing rednecks are always saying nasty things like that and calling us righteous people names.


     COWBOY
I understand the truth is hard to bear sometimes.


     ENVIRONMENTALIST
I don't know why you can't just get along - you know, live and let live.


     COWBOY
Let me live with my steak.

    ENVIRONMENTALIST
You need to live right!


     COWBOY
I've got a question for you all. How much do you all need to reduce your "carbon footprint?"


     ENVIRONMENTALIST
Ideally you would reduce it to zero but that isn't practical, so as much as you can.


     COWBOY
So there is a difference between "practical" and "ideal?"
     
     ENVIRONMENTALIST
Of course, you can't live ideally.


     POLITICIAN
Everybody needs to reduce as much as possible, depending on who you are. Take me for example I need to travel by chauffeured car in order to help pass laws which will make people live as they are supposed to; even airplanes when I've got to go a long ways in order to have a meeting. I need an airplane where I can stretch out and relax, like in a private jet. Regular people don't need to do that.


     RABBI
I don't know how much we all need to reduce but I do know we all need to do our part.


     PASTOR
Jesus commanded us to take care of the land and each other - this I know. So it only makes sense that we all need to live minimally; like in poverty....


     COWBOY
So why don't you guys just shoot yourselves in the head? That would eliminate your "carbon footprint."


     POLITICIAN
I couldn't do that because I'm needed in D.C. to pass laws which will require people to live properly. If I wasn't around can't you imagine the mess we all would be in? I don't even want to think about it...


      RABBI
You are talking about suicide, which is a sin.


      PASTOR
I certainly don't want to spend eternity in Hell!


     ENVIRONMENTALIST
Shoot!? A gun?! Not only does that release lead into the environment but the carbon dioxide, carbon monoxide, smoke, and all is an environmental disaster!


     POLITICIAN
Enough already! It's high time we hit the hay. I don't know about you guys, but I've got a big day tomorrow drafting new legislation.


     ENVIRONMENTALIST
This discussion isn't going anywhere anyway......


     PASTOR
I agree - good night.


     RABBI
I'm ready to say my prayers and turn in myself. Good night.


                                                        (All but COWBOY settle in for sleep)


                                                         (COWBOY gets up and starts gathering firewood)


                                                         (COWBOY pulls his six-gun out of his holster, checks the bullets and fires
                                                             in the direction of each of his companions)


     COWBOY
                                                          (Talking to his dog SHEP)
Well they won't have to worry about their "carbon footprint" anymore......let alone any other kind of footprint. Now let's go out and find some four legged critter, build a fire and cook him for dinner!
                                                           (COWBOY and SHEP walk off stage)


FALL